Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
