Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
