I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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