It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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