I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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