he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You are the jesus of drinking
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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