I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
