I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
