The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
