i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I AM VODKA MAN
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
