I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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