All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
