So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
