Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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