Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
