it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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