It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I have vodka in my lungs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
