If i come over, it means nothing
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
