Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
