Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
