There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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