We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
