Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
