I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
did i walk over a car last night?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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