I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.