The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
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I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.