that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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