I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.