i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
