Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
