dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
