My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
