omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
