Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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