Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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