Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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