Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
