i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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