I look better un-naked...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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