im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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