I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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