i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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