Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
