FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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