dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
