omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
