I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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