Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
