I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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