I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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