no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
