Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
