My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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