I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
