i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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