I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
