dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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