I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
