she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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