M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
