I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
