I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
