Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize