so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
