I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
