just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
