You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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