ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
