New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
