She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
