How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
