Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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