Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
