Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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