despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
