Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dicks are not precious.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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