I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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