dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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