OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He better not be in your backpack
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
