I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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