yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
