Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
